Only Human After All
by Ayla
Summary: Alternative scene from AtS, Sanctuary episode (slight SPOILERS). Angel falls prey to human instincts while comforting Faith, and deliberately hurts Buffy by sleeping with the Rogue Slayer.


Only Human After All  
  
  
Only Human After All  
By Ayla Olson  
  
  
  
Rating: R (USA), mainly Angel Angst   
  
Pairing: A/F   
  
Disclaimer: All belongs to Joss and Fox, et al.   
Summary: Alternative scene from AtS, Sanctuary episode (slight SPOILERS). Angel   
falls prey to human instincts while comforting Faith, and deliberately hurts   
Buffy by sleeping with the Rogue Slayer.   
  
Distribution: My site, Kleysa's Bad Girls, and anywhere else, but I would REALLY   
like to come and visit it. In other words, email and let me know!  
  
Notes: "::" denotes thoughts. And I refuse to accept Faith just rotting in jail.   
Uh-uh, no way. I like my ending better. *grin*   
  
  
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"I knew it." The words were said quietly, calmly, but thundered loudly in his   
brain. He couldn't turn to look at her, the warmth of her body pressing into his   
side felt like Hell fire. He lay immoble staring up at his ceiling trying not to   
think about what had just happened, the petty events that brought him to this   
horrible moment.   
  
"There had to be only one reason for you to act all caring and concerned about   
me." There was a stirring next to him and then she was propping herself up on   
one elbow and looking down at him. "All that goody goody crap about how everyone   
needs a chance." Oddly, her smile was only slightly bitter as she reached out to   
lightly trace her fingernails over the bare skin of his chest. "YOU needed a   
chance, a chance at getting back at B."   
  
"Faith." The word came out low and ragged like it was being ripped from his   
chest.   
  
"Shhh," She gently but firmly placed a finger across his lips, halting any   
further words. "I think you're gonna let me finish what I have to say. Faith   
smiled but it didn't reach her eyes. "It's only curtesy after all, I mean, I let   
you finish what you needed to do. " She took his hand and placed it on the   
sticky skin of her upper inner thigh and looked at him levelly, but he refused   
to look into her eyes, pulling his hand back as if stung.   
  
She draped herself across his chest and he turned his head away and closed his   
eyes. "Aw, com'on Big Guy, you had to enjoy it some. If it's any consolation,   
you're definitely better then Riley." Faith was studying him like a predator out   
of habit, probing him for any sign of a crack in his shell of numbness. She   
sighed loudly and rolled over, off of his body. "And, I have to tell you, it's   
so much better without all those cutsey endearments afterwards. I like a guy   
willing to take his pleasure without mucking it all up with that "love" stuff.   
It's such a turn off, those clingy, needy guys." She shot him a sly glance from   
under her eyelashes to see if any of her barbs were hitting home.   
  
He muttered something low under his breath and she cocked her head to try and   
catch it. "Sorry lover, gonna have to speak up. It's a little late to start   
whispering sweet nothings in my ear now."   
  
He squeezed his eyes shut tighter. "Stop." He felt dizzy, probably would have   
thrown up if he ever ate anything solid.   
  
"Oh, it's too late for that too, Angel. I may be utterly insane, but I'm not   
stupid. I realized way back in old Sunnydale that there was never any way I was   
going to be worthy enough to score the nifty White Knight boyfriend." She was   
moving again, stretching and shifting, restless energy playing across both their   
bodies. "Good old fashioned revenge, I can understand that. Glad I could do you   
the favour of driving a knife into Buffy. Not exactly the same way I would have   
chosen, but, hey! You know her the best right? The sight of the two of us   
getting it on probably destroyed the last of her illusions about the Great Love   
of Her Life."   
  
He felt dirty, soiled. He wanted a shower, he wanted to turn back the clock.   
::been there, done that:: he thought sardonically. He felt Faith sit up and   
swing her legs over the side of the bed. He looked at her then, making sure he   
only saw her back, he couldn't look into those eyes, so deep and full of pain,   
pain that mirrored his own, pain that called to him to try and pull her back   
from the edge of the abyss, pain that she was unable to hide from him no matter   
how good the façade, pain that was still there because of his failure tonight.   
  
"Faith. . . it just. I . . ." He stopped unable to articulate the jumble of   
feelings within him. There was nothing he could say to justify this at all, in   
any way shape or form. He lost control, he slipped. ::yeah but WHY did you   
slip?:: Thinking of Buffy with that overgrown boyscout, making love to him,   
LOVING him, felt like . . . like a sword slicing through his guts, the chaos   
whirling in his head deafening him like the angry wind of the vortex that sucked   
him into Hell. He stiffened and bit his lip savagely trying to disassociate, but   
Buffy's face kept floating into his mind.   
  
::Buffy skating by herself in that ice rink so long ago, before that assassin   
tried to kill her, looking so innocent and vulnerable, as he hid and watched her   
out of habit; Buffy deep in battle mode, skin flush with her exhertion as she   
moved with the precision of death, a haze of dust haloing her head; Buffy in his   
arms all golden and soaked with rain, staring up at him with big eyes and   
trembling pouting mouth; Buffy licking ice cream off his chest right before they   
finally came together just like he always dreamed despite their destiny; Buffy   
desperately weeping in his arms as they frantically held each other in that last   
minute, as she choked, 'It's not enough time.'; Buffy walking out of his office   
and his life, again with no memory of their time together:: But now, most   
painful of all, Buffy walking in and seeing him with Faith in his arms as he was   
comforting her after the demon attack.   
  
He had sensed Buffy coming in through the confusion he felt with Faith and saw   
her standing there on the landing above them, looking down in shock. He'd frozen   
only for the briefest second as they made eye contact, and then he stood,   
pulling Faith up with him, and kept her back to the landing as he deliberately   
reached down to kiss the Rogue Slayer, confirming Buffy's immediate suspicions   
::Why?! Why have you never trusted me?!:: as he pulled Faith into a passionate   
embrace that she responded to with as much heat as his own without dropping a   
beat. The slain demon's blood on her hands disappeared into the fabric of his   
black shirt as she pulled on him and moaned in arousal.   
  
He had lifted Faith's slight weight easily, and her legs slid around his waist   
naturally as he hesitated a brief second longer before breaking his eye contact   
with Buffy and turning to walk into his bedroom ::the bed where they had laughed   
and loved and he learned about peanut butter and chocolate:: to lay Faith down   
and take her wildly, no worries about hurting delicate feelings or leaving   
marks.   
  
He had no fear of losing his soul for he knew there was no happiness in this   
act, just savage, selfish animalistic instinct born out of the basest of human   
emotions, anger and hurt. He was striking out and hurting Buffy the surest way   
he knew how, not caring one wit for the inevitable consequences. It was a   
boiling, hungry tide of ::lust:: revenge that swept him along well after he felt   
Buffy leave.   
  
"You actually thought I didn't know she was there?" Faith's voice snapped him   
back to reality as she stood and turned toward him unashamed of her nakedness,   
staring at him hotly. "B and me, we got a connection too." She turned and   
grabbed her shirt, tousled brown hair rippling in the soft light of the lamp.   
"Maybe it's a Slayer thing." She shrugged into the garment, breasts swaying,   
such a soft contrast to such a hard person. "But you sure didn't play Mr. Subtle   
when she showed up." She grinned at him sexily and she leaned in to speak low   
and soft, the heat of her pouring over his dead skin, "Very nice, that pick up   
and carry move, mmmm." Faith licked her lips as if she were tasting the memory.   
She pulled back and stepped into her leather pants, drawing them up and over her   
hips. She tossed her hair back over her shoulder, and as she fastened the   
buttons, stared out into space. "I guess I got my answer about ever apologizing   
to Buffy. Now there's no way she's gonna get within 50 feet of me without trying   
to kill me again. Ever." She laughed, but it came out like a hard bark.   
  
"Faith, I'm - I'm sorry."   
  
She held up a hand to stop him from continuing. "Oh no you don't, Martyr Boy."   
He stopped, confused at her mixed signals. Faith picked up her backpack and   
busied herself closing zippers and stuffing the few stray belongings back into   
it's cavernous depths. "I knew she was there, Angel. I knew what you were doing   
and why. You keep telling me to take responsibilty for my actions, that I have   
choices." She finished and slung the bag over her shoulder. "Call me selfish,   
hell, I'm sure most people do, but I was enjoying myself. Nothing like a good   
slaying followed by some great sex to revitalize a person. Don't know if it was   
worth the price yet, but I was always a bad investor."   
  
Faith stopped talking and took a last look around, stopping on Angel. She looked   
at him for a long silent moment and it was as if he could actually see some of   
the old Faith was melting away a little despite her best intentions to try and   
pour salt into his wounds. "Thank you for trying to. . ." She searched for the   
term she wanted, but nothing seemed to fit. "You tried. . . more then most peop   
- anyone has. I can't blame you too much - which is a surprise to me - 'cause   
you're only human after all. Maybe they should give more vamps souls." She gave   
him a crooked grin. "Course, then I'd be out of work, not that I'm officially on   
the books anywhere anymore."   
  
Angel's mouth worked as he looked at Faith standing before him. There was a new   
resolve burning in her eyes, only time would tell if he'd doomed everyone of his   
friends to violent grisley deaths, but she was somehow, calmer, more focused.  
  
She broke the moment with a charactaristic toss of her head, shrugging the pack   
strap up a little. "Well, I'd better get going before B brings back the   
calvary." She turned and walked slowly away, and then stopped at the door. "I'm   
the one choosing to step into the darkness, Angel. But you did give me a little   
bit of light to guide my way." And then she was gone.   
  
He called out, "Faith!" but made no move to go after her. Silence was his only   
answer, and the only thing that heard his low, tortured moan, "Buffy." as he sat   
on his bed head in his hands as he wept.   
  
finis   



End file.
